A new view, a new you

You might be surprised to hear that your internal dialogue is largely responsible for how your life turns out. Are you interested to know how? Contact me or read on.


The ability to influence your circumstances depends on how you see things. The way you interpret events in your life has a significant effect on your experience of life and on your level of happiness. Let’s look at an example where two people might come to different conclusions about the same life experience. Let ‘s assume that there are two people, both recently made redundant. One of them is feeling depressed, lost and hopeless while the other feels optimistic and sees it as an opportunity to start anew. There is only one difference between them, there state of mind. While one is focusing on the catastrophe of the situation, adopting a pessimistic viewpoint the other chooses to feel positive and optimistic. It is likely that the first person feels all is lost and reciting a dialogue in his mind that asks questions such as ‘Why me? ,whereas the person who feels better about the situations might have an internal dialogue that assures him that this was a blessing in disguise, as he hasn’t been happy and fulfilled in that job for a long time and with his skills and knowledge he will be able to find something much better.

You do have the power to make yourself feel better about any given situation and circumstance as long as you practice a positive self-dialogue. In your self-dialogue, you must avoid judgment of yourself and use kind and compassionate language about you and your situation. You could say to yourself for example, ‘Things might be a bit hard right now but with time and effort they will get better.’

So, you can influence your circumstances by thinking empowering thoughts and by believing in the possibility that life might just get better.


“When life does not work out the way you want it, it is not usually the sign to give up; it is a sign you should be bolder. Not by trying the same things over and over again; but by doing something radical, something fresh and new. “
- Menna Van Praag

When you feel that there is nothing going right in your life that is the time to think outside the box and start viewing and doing things differently. It is the time to mobilise all your inner resources, your inner strength, your courage, your faith and hope and decide to set out on a journey that will lead you to happier pastures. I observed in my life that whenever I’ve been presented with a life challenge, being relationship, family, financial or career that I considered to be critical, something good, often something better came out of it. Undeniably, these life challenges were testing at the time and sure enough, I needed all my inner strength and support from my loved ones to get through them but I realised that the life experience, the learning that came out of them made them worthwhile. These challenges shaped who I am now and made me a much wiser and nicer person. The feeling of overwhelm can grip you tight and that is the time to ask for help or reappraise the way you think about you and your situation.


Please do not let your pride get in the way of asking others for help. You will find that when you open up to others they will offer their help willingly. I truly believe, there is always someone out there who can help us.


It is psychologically helpful to you to look at your situation from a different angle. You could think about what blessings it might hold and the possible positive outcomes might occur. You know the saying every cloud has a silver lining. Well, I believe they do. A relationship breakup for example can always be viewed as a release, something that sets you free to meet a more suitable partner or to find yourself again. A redundancy can be seen as an opportunity to find a more fulfilling and better paid job, financial struggle gives you the chance to learn how to manage money better and encourages you to find your path that is both financially and emotionally rewarding.

When you feel beaten down by life, it is the time to shake all your negativity off and become a brave warrior of life.


The key to happiness

The key to happiness might not be what you think it is. Find out more, contact me or read on.

“Make choices out of love, clarity and intelligence rather than fear.”
- Byron Katie


Fear is F: false, E: expectations, A: appearing, R:real. People tend to avoid situations that they fear, therefore seldom discover if their predications and assumptions were accurate. Unfortunately, fear has a tendency to bread lack of experience and then lack of experience breads ignorance and ignorance breads more fear. It is a vicious circle. If you let your false assumptions and untested fears rule your life, you will experience a lack of success and happiness. We all have experienced disempowering moments in our lives when we feel that all our efforts are ineffective. It is easy at those times to feel insecure, fearful and hopeless but trust me when I say it is just as easy to make a conscious decision to feel empowered and hopeful despite of all. The trick is to keep moving forward no matter what, without losing hope and faith and life will reward you at the end. You might say, it is easy to say these words. I assure you that I am not only saying these words, I truly believe them and more to the point I live by them. I have gone through hard times myself and the only thing kept me going was my ability to trust in myself. I moved forward with hope in my heart and with the knowing that I would make it against all odds. Life has always come through for me at the end. It might have taken months and at times years for something better to appear but it did. The key to a happy and successful life is to learn to navigate the rough waters you encounter though your life journey. Responding to difficult situations with hope, faith and self-belief holds the key to happiness and peace of mind.

Staying in an unhappy relationship

Fear, lack of self-esteem and feeling that you have failed can be reasons to staying in a relationship that passed its expiry date. What could be a solution? Contact me or read on.

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
- F. Nietzsche


People often stay in unhappy relationships out of fear. They are afraid that if they leave they will be alone and there will be no-one to love them. They might be afraid to leave the relationship if their partner is physically or psychologically abusive. Fear of the unknown the uncertainty of the future without a partner scares many people. I guess they figure, it is better to be in a bad relationship than not being in one at all. I feel that this leads to a false sense of security.

I believe that you will find your inner strength when you decide to face the challenge head on despite your fears. Facing the challenge could be that you ask for support from friends, family, a therapist or a relevant organisation or it could be that you chose to learn some new skills or embark on a new journey. The possibilities are endless, therefore the best course of action is to decide what or who it is that could help you face your fears and take action.


The second reason for staying in an unhappy relationship is that people have the need to know that they are needed and that they are lovable. Being in a relationship seems to take on the meaning of being lovable and wanted. What it comes down to is not knowing and appreciating one’s inner strength and self- worth and needing validation from outside sources, such as a relationship. When you find your inner strength and start to recognise your own self-worth, you begin to like and dare I say, love who you are, that is when the curse of the bad relationship gets broken and you become clear on what your next move should and could be.


Another reason why people might stay in an unhappy relationship is the feeling that they have failed. They feel that it is their job to hold the relationship together and to keep it going no matter what. It has to be accepted that some relationships have an expiry date attached to them and they need to be let go of in order for both parties to have a chance to have a happier life and a better relationship.

Secrets of a happy relationship

There are 3 essential components to a happy relationship. Would you like to know what they are? Contact me or read on.

The couples that are ‘meant to be’ are the ones who go through everything that’s designed to tear them apart and come out even stronger.” - Unknown Author

I grew up in a ‘battle field’ as my parents argued nearly every evening. I always wondered why my parents stayed together for all these years as I hardly ever seen them to be happy together. Admittedly, now that they are older they seem to be getting on much better, even though they still have trouble communicating with each other effectively. I never doubted that they loved each other; however, their inability to voice their views, feelings, thoughts and opinions with love and compassion infected their relationship. Thinking about my parents whom I love dearly and despite the fact that they did not get on were good parents to me, lead me to ponder on the secrets of a successful marriage and a good relationship.

Here is what I came up with:


In order to have a good relationship there must be open and honest communication between partners. This is so important. I’ve been in a relationship many moons ago where I was afraid to express some of my feelings and thoughts, as I knew they would not be met with understanding. Being able to tell your partner how you feel, your fears and worries is a vital component to having a great relationship. Using kind, loving, compassionate words when in a discussion helps both parties to open up with honesty. I am sure you have experienced the feeling of relief when you tell someone about something you were afraid to share. I am aware that is not always easy to lace your words with kindness and compassion when in a debate but at least attempt to try, as I am certain that it will be worth the effort.


When you are in a relationship, you are a team of two players where both players need to contribute equally. The only way the relationship will work if time, love and energy is invested in it and when necessary compromises are made. The responsibility to make the relationship work has to be evenly shared. It is not to say however, that you need to lose who you are in a relationship in order to become a team, in fact right the opposite. A good, loving relationship fosters personal growth and supports each partner’s desires and ambitions. In a good relationship, you share your life with another; you do not live your life for them. You mutually support each other and face the rollercoaster of life together.


Another secret of a good relationship is mutual love and respect. There must be respect for each other’s needs and feelings and mutual acceptance of each other. There is no good trying to mould someone into something they are not. Many people make the mistake of visioning what their partner should be like and even though they are not, they are hoping that one day they will be. It is best to look at reality rather than base your relationship on a dream version of it. It is essential to accept who your partner is, love and respect them for who and what they are.

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