Relationship contradictions

‘I love and hate my partner at the same time.’ If that is you Contact me or read on.

 

I hear clients tell me at times that they are unsure why they have married the person they have married and feel they have no longer anything in common with them, however for the sake of their children and to avoid feeling that their marriage is a failure they stay with their partners. Most of the time however, it only brings tears and emotional turmoil. One of my clients recently described her relationship as suffocating but at the same time declared her love for her partner. Another client of mine had told me how lucky he was to be with his lovely wife but complained about feeling lonely in the relationship. Their thoughts and feelings seem to have contradicted each other. You may think one thing but at the same time feel something different. What do you think, which is the better indicator of the ‘truth’, thoughts or emotions? I believe both are equally telling, with the difference that we have the power to change our thoughts but might have a bit more difficulty with changing our emotions. Of course, once you managed to shift your thoughts to more empowering ones, your emotions will begin to reflect those thoughts. In other words, if you are having trouble in your long term relationship and have conflicting thoughts and feelings , I believe the best course of action to be examining your thoughts and believes and the reasons for having them. Then decide to alter them in order to feel differently about the situation. Lets’ take the case of my client who thought that she was suffocated by her relationship but at the same time felt love toward her partner as an example. She would need to examine the reasons for her feeling suffocated in the relationship and in order to do that she could ask herself the following: What would need to happen for me not to feel this way? How could I think about this situation differently? What is my partner trying to show me by wishing to spend time with me? What could I do to feel freer within the relationship? How could I communicate my needs to my partner? Once those questions are answered and your wants and needs are established then a door can open to healing those unpleasant feelings of discomfort within the relationship.